Wounded Heart
by Denise
Summary: Felix King finds his return home from WWI to be difficult until he is reunited with his true love


PROLOGUE

In the early Nova Scotia dawn, a large hospital ship was pulling into the harbor. The morning was damp with sunlight barely breaking through the fog, with a feeling of sadness which belied the fact that it was almost Christmas.

The men on the ship were stirring, awoken by the stray light entering through the portholes. The feeling of sadness encompassed the men, a designation they earned not through age but by experience; the experience of war. If they had not been sent to Europe to fight for their mother country, they would have retained the feeling of carefree youthfulness. Instead, a feeling of death and destruction hung over them.

A feeble ray of sunlight rested across the face of one of these men, these wounded soldiers. He groaned in pain and turned his face from the light, a shock of straight brown hair falling into his face. He wanted to close his eyes and shut out the reality the daylight had once again brought, but he knew he would be unsuccessful.

"Hey, Felix—Felix, wake up!" Though not said loudly, the words pierced through Felix King's head like a knife and roused him to full wakefulness.

"Shut up already, I'm trying to get my beauty sleep," barked Felix sarcastically to his bunkmate, Tommy Barrett. But Tommy would not shut up; rather he asked if it was morning yet. For Tommy had been blinded in the fields at the River Marne, the same place where Felix was hit by shrapnel from the bomb that killed Elbert Wertz. 

So many boys, dead and injured at that place—Elbert, a friend from boyhood, Tommy, a friendship forged on the battlefield. And Felix, laying on the cot, trying to forget about his shattered knee. The doctors told him he was fortunate, they were just able to take most of the shrapnel out of his knee rather than amputate the leg, but it would never be right again. At least, Felix thought, he wouldn't have to go back to the war—he was homeward bound. He would be marked with a permanent limp and would never again be able to bend the leg fully, but the important thing was that he was going home. Tears formed in his eyes at the thought, but he fought them back, and he pulled himself out of bed and onto his crutch.

"Tommy, yeah, it's time to get up. They don't want any slackers on the ship. Let's go up and get some food," Felix offered his free arm to Tommy and they slowly made their way to the galley.

After a breakfast which Felix barely touched, he and Tommy made their way to the deck, and Felix described how they were nearing the port. Tommy, normally a happy go lucky sort, clutched the rail and a pained expression crossed his face. He said to Felix, "I can't believe I'm almost home, to a place I can never see again."

Tommy could not see an almost identical expression cross Felix' face, as he had also pictured a much different homecoming, with cheers for the conquering hero, not to mention a kiss from the love of his life, Izzy. But Felix swallowed his own feelings, tried to forget how he had not heard from Izzy or his family in well over a month, and replied, "I try to keep remembering that it could be worse. It's the only thing getting me through." Then he tried to brighten up, and kidded Tommy that he didn't have far to go to get home, as they would reach port in his home of Halifax. It would take longer for Felix to make his way to the red fields of his home in Avonlea. He wondered if he would be able to make it, he was already so weary.

The ship reached port and tied up to the dock, which was a beehive of activity. People were rushing right and left, boarding the ship and leaving with their human cargo; soldiers in all states of injury. As the ship had arrived a day early, there were no family members waiting at the docks to welcome their heroes.

As they were more mobile than many of the men on board, Felix and Tommy made their way down the gangplank to start the next leg of their journey. On the dock, they said goodbye to the comrades they met on the fields of war and on the ship, then the group dispersed, heading off in different directions, into the next chapter of their lives.

CHAPTER 1

"Best get a move on, and get you home at least," said Felix as he grabbed his few belongings. Tommy took Felix' arm and they headed up the hill, away from the waterfront. Tommy directed Felix to his house from memory, and fortunately it was not a long walk to get there.

"I think this is it, number 48, right," said Felix. "Yeah, wait a second, would you?" came the reply. Felix turned to look at Tommy and understood—for him, the journey was over, but in a way he was afraid for it to end. But end it did, because just then a rather stout woman opened the front door of the house to shake off a scatter rug. The rug flew from her hands as she saw her son, her baby standing on the sidewalk.

Mrs. Barrett ran down the front steps of the house and flew towards her son, screaming his name. It was only when she got right in front of him and noticed that he was staring beyond her that she realized he was blind. The smile dimmed from her face, but she reached out and clutched him to her breast. Mrs. Barrett's screams caught the attention to the rest of the family, and they came streaming out the door to welcome Tommy home.

As the family crowded around Tommy, Felix stood to the side, allowing them their moment. Tommy's voice climbed above the others, and when he got their attention he introduced Felix.

"Sergeant King, it's a privilege to meet one of my son's comrades in arms. Welcome to our home, you boys must be starving. Come inside," Mr. Barrett said as he picked up Felix' bag. As the group entered the home, Felix replied, "Please, call me Felix. Calling me sergeant just reminds me of the army."

It was fortunate that Mrs. Barrett was in the process of preparing lunch, as the smell of home cooking made Felix hungry for a change. After taking Tommy to his room and showing Felix where he could wash up, the group sat down for the mid day meal. Each member of the family stared at Tommy as they made idle chitchat, still not fully believing that he could not see. Felix could feel the tension and it quashed his appetite, which was not a difficult thing to do these days. The slightest thing took Felix' mind off of food.

Finally, Mr. Barrett cut to the chase, and asked the boys the question on the minds of each member of the family—what had happened to them in France.

"Dad," said Tommy, "there's not much to tell. The bombs were falling and some metal caught me in the face. What's done is done," he added fatalistically.

Felix added, "I'm just glad we got home at all. I'll tell you, when I was laying on that field my leg was killing me and I never thought I'd find my way off of it." The thought crossed his mind that he didn't mention Elbert in that description, but he considered it best not to bring the Barretts' attention to all the soldiers who died at the River Marne.

The family was silent, and then Mrs. Barrett changed the subject with an invitation to Felix to spend the night with them before starting for home. Felix protested briefly but Mr. Barrett told him that he would drive him to the ferry the next morning, and that was that.

Nathaniel, the younger of the two Barrett sons, chimed in that Felix could sleep in his bed, and he would stay on the couch. Felix thanked him and added that it would be a relief to sleep on a real bed for a change.

"Well, I'll draw a nice hot bath for you boys, and Felix, I'll wash your uniform before we send you out, so you'll be nice and clean when you see your family again," Mrs. Barrett offered. Felix readily agreed and thanked Tommy's parents for their hospitality. 

Mrs. Barrett replied, "Not a bit of it, I can't thank you enough for being a friend to my Tommy and seeing him safely home." The word "seeing" caught everybody's attention and reminded them of what Tommy was going through, and the meal was completed in silence.

Later that evening, after a dinner which Felix again failed to enjoy due to nerves, a bath and a clean nightshirt, Felix sat on Nathaniel's bed, looking at Tommy. Tommy had held up pretty well through the day, putting on a brave front for his family, but the façade fell away as he lay on his bed.

"I can't believe it's over, I can't believe I'm home at last," Tommy said as tears poured down his cheeks.

"What do you think you'll do now?" queried Felix. "I don't know," countered Tommy, "What can a blind man do?"

"My brother in law, Gus, is pretty much blind and he works as a Naval telegrapher. Maybe you could do something like that."

"Maybe…, I don't know."

"Well, give it some thought, you can't just sit around all day."

Tommy changed the subject: "Yeah, and what are you going to do, how can you farm with that bad leg?" It was a question Felix had forced from his mind a million times. With a sardonic grin, Felix conceded the point, "Fair enough, I don't know what the future is going to bring me either. How 'bout we both forget things for awhile."

Felix reached into his bag and brought out a flask of whiskey, took a quick swig and put it in Tommy's hand, who followed suit with a grin. Whiskey was foreign to Felix' childhood, but on the fields of France he definitely developed a taste for how the bitter liquid could make the fear go away for a little while.

Fortified, the two men went to sleep: for Felix it was luckily a sleep unmarred by the nightmare of that day at the River Marne. Upon waking to the bustle of the Barrett home, Felix limped over to the mirror and looked at his face. Unfortunately, the same reflection that greeted him yesterday during the first time he shaved using a proper light and mirror was still there. He studied the scar on his forehead, and smaller one on his cheek. He also again noticed the black circles around his eyes and hollows in his cheeks.

He laughed to himself that his family wouldn't recognize him, he had to have lost at least 25 pounds since he left to fight, and his appetite pretty much disappeared with those pounds. It wasn't just the fear and the pain from his injuries, nor the death of Elbert in his arms—Felix was very saddened that he had not received one letter from his family, Izzy or anyone else in Avonlea for that matter. Surely the letters should have caught up to him in the hospital; he had been there long enough. It sickened Felix to think that Izzy had forgotten about him.

What Felix did not know, however, was that a horrifying mistake had been made. He was listed as killed in action, and at that very moment his mother was looking out her kitchen window, towards the rising sun, and crying again for the baby she believed she would never see again. Also at that moment, miles away from Avonlea, Izzy Pettibone dragged herself from her bed after another sleepless night.

After breakfast, yet another meal Felix barely touched, Mrs. Barrett and Nathaniel said their goodbyes to Felix and wished him a Merry Christmas, and Mr. Barrett and Tommy took him to the ferry.

"Here, Felix, just a little extra to help you get to Avonlea," said Mr. Barrett as he pressed a roll of money in Felix' hand.

"But Mr. Barrett, I can't take this."

"None of that, it's my Christmas gift to you, and a woefully small one at that considering all the help you gave my son. When you get the chance, you can thank me by passing the good deed on to someone else."

"Thank you sir, and Merry Christmas to you," said Felix, and then he turned to Tommy and the two men shook hands at first, then realizing that wasn't enough, they hugged. They promised to keep in touch, and then Felix turned to board the ferry, and he was on his way.

CHAPTER 2

By the time the ferry reached PEI, a snow had started to fall, and the cold set into Felix' leg and made limping even more difficult. A tavern was close to the dock, and Felix stopped in for a pint and a meal. By the time he finished the snow had gotten a lot worse, and he knew if he tried to call home the lines would be down, so he decided to stay at the tavern for the night.

Early the next morning, Felix was very lucky in running into a merchant from Carmody who offered him a ride at least that far. If it had not been Christmas Eve, the merchant would have taken him the whole way home, but he wanted to get home to his family too, which Felix understood. He wished the merchant a Merry Christmas when he was dropped off on the Carmody-Avonlea Road, and set off the rest of the way on foot.

The roads were mostly clear as the snow was not deep on this section of the island, and Felix made good progress in spite of his leg. He arrived at King Farm about midnight, and limped silently to the door. It was only then, looking at the dark house, that he noticed the black crepe on the door, and the lack of Christmas decorations as he looked in the window.

"What happened, who died?" he asked himself, and then gasped as he took a closer look at the fireplace mantle, where stood a picture of himself in his army uniform, surrounded by the same black crepe.

"ME!! They think I'M dead? How can that be?", Felix thought as his mind raced in a million directions at once. Common sense told him that he could not come into the house, back from the grave, at this time of night, so he set out for the barn to sleep in the hayloft.

His mind still racing, he covered himself in a couple of horse blankets and took more than a few swigs from the flask he was able to refill at the tavern, and finally passed out in a state of confusion over how to handle this unexpected twist of events.

Christmas morning came brightly to the little village of Avonlea, but its sunlight did little to cheer the inhabitants of King Farm. Even little Daniel found himself hard pressed to be enthusiastic, and only half-heartedly looked at the pile of presents sitting under an unadorned tree. Alec had dragged the tree in for Daniel's sake, but nothing further was done. The only Christmas ornament on it was a small white snowflake which Felix had made when he was about Daniel's age. Janet liked to hold the fragile ornament from time to time; it made her feel closer to Felix.

"Are we still going to go to Aunt Hetty's today for dinner?" queried Cecily.

"I think we should," said Alec. "After all, she just got home from the hospital, and I think it is better that we should be with family on this first Christmas without…" Alec's voice broke and Janet put her hand on top of his and gave it a tender squeeze.

"I agree with your father, family is more important now than ever," finished Janet. "I guess we'd best start our day. Daniel, go outside and collect the eggs, please. Cecily, help me mix up some pancake batter."

"Okay Mother," Daniel grabbed his coat, pulled on his boots and ran out the door to the barn. He got in the door and picked up the egg basket and started his search. The startled hens made a racket which drew a groan from the semiconscious Felix, whose arms flailed against the haystack to get him into a sitting position. Daniel heard the noise and dashed out the door in fright, dropping the egg basket and its contents on his way.

"Someone's in the barn, Father. He made some horrible noise and came after me!" wailed Daniel as he hid his face in his mother's skirts. Alec headed for the door, but stopped when he heard Janet call after him.

"Alec, take your gun. Remember the thief they found lurking at the McDonald place," Janet called out, and then whispered to herself, "and please be careful."

"You're right," said Alec as he grabbed his rifle and loaded it with bullets, and then headed out the door. Alec approached the barn quietly and slipped in the partially open door. By then Felix had forgotten about getting up, and after putting his flask back in his coat pocket he hunkered back down into the hay, not remembering where he was.

It didn't take long for Alec to notice the blankets laying atop the haystack, and he approached them cautiously. As he neared the stack and found no movement under the blankets, he used the barrel of the rifle to move the blankets aside and ordered the person under them to stay still.

The shock of this brought the slightly hungover Felix to consciousness, but in the shadows of the barn all he saw was a faceless figure pointing a gun at him. This brought Felix' military training to the forefront of his clouded mind, and forgetting his leg, he leaped up, wrested the rifle from Alec's hands and tackled him to the ground. Just as he did that, though, he realized that the voice which had ordered him to stay still was that of his father.

Alec, for his part, only saw a grubby face with gaunt cheeks and a days growth of brown beard on it. He did not recognize his son, and Felix saw the lack of recognition in his eyes.

Felix rolled off of his father, and the twisting motion caused another unpleasant reminder of his bad leg, and said in a choked voice, "Father, it's me, it's Felix."

Alec, who was about to go back on the offensive once his attacker moved off of him, instead found his jaw fall open at the voice he thought he would never hear again. Alec gasped and tears sprang to his eyes and blurred his vision, but once he concentrated on the face of the stranger, looked past the scars and the beard and the hollow cheeks, he saw his first born son.

"Felix," his voice cracked. Alec grabbed his son to his chest, "I can't believe it's you. We were told you were dead."

"I know that now, Father. Last night I came up to the house and saw my photograph swathed in the black crepe. It was then I realized you were mourning me."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Alec sobbed as he continued to clutch his son. "Father, it wasn't your fault, you didn't know. It is you who should forgive me. I thought you all had forgotten about me when I was in France. I should have known there was another reason why I didn't hear from you."

"We should never have given up hope," Alec moaned as he finally released Felix and rose to his feet. He turned to his son, still on the ground, and saw he was trying to get up.

Alec reached down just as Felix asked, "Could you please hand me my…no, never mind, I can reach it," and Felix took hold of the crutch and used it to get to his feet, ignoring his father's hand, still outstretched to him. It was only then that Alec noticed the leg, that it was bent and that Felix favored it. As Felix stood, a beam of sunlight fell on him and Alec was finally able to gauge the physical toll the war had taken on his son, his throat choked up and he put his hand to his mouth, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Father, it's alright," he said, seeing the same look in his father's face as Tommy was lucky enough to miss in the Barretts' faces. A pang of pain struck his heart but he tried to be brave, "Let's just go in the house. I want to see everybody."

"Yes, yes, of course," replied Alec distractedly; knowing there was no way to lessen the shock the rest of the family would feel upon seeing Felix. The two men left the barn in silence.

CHAPTER 3

Janet, Cecily and Daniel were waiting in the parlor by the window, and were surprised to see Alec approach with the stranger from the barn. "He can't have been very dangerous," Cecily needled Daniel gently, "he can barely walk." As the pair neared the house, Janet found herself more and more transfixed by the stranger, something about the tilt of his head, something...

"FELIX!!!" she screamed, and ran to open the door just as the pair were ascending the steps. "Oh my God!" she cried, her hands to her mouth, as Cecily and Daniel excitedly grabbed Felix from either side. Felix gently kissed each one and moved out of their grasp to stand in front of his mother, with tears streaming down his face.

"I promised I'd come back home, Mother," as he took his free hand and stroked Janet's hair. With a loud sob, Janet enveloped her son in a long hug, repeatedly saying his name as if he'd disappear if she stopped.

"This is the best Christmas present I could have ever hoped for!" shouted Daniel happily, and the whole family smiled as they looked at their youngest member.

"We have to let Felicity and Gus know," reminded Cecily excitedly. "I hope the phone is working by now. I don't want to have to run over to the Foundling Home." It was only yesterday that Felicity told her family of her pregnancy, and confided to Cecily that the baby would be named Felix if it were a boy.

As luck would have it, the phone did work and Felicity was told. The scream that left her lips upon hearing the news probably woke up half of Avonlea, and as soon as she got off the phone she hitched up the buggy and she and Gus, who was on vacation from his Naval Telegraphy job, flew to King Farm. They ran in the door to find the family sitting at the kitchen table, Janet holding Felix' hand in hers.

Felix rose with the help of his crutch, and at least was spared a pained expression from Gus, who was unable to see the condition in which the war had left his brother in law. There was no such relief from the look on Felicity's face, as her eyes took in Felix' condition.

Oh, Felix, what have they done to you?" Felicity said, shaking her head in astonishment. The young Felix she had teased and bossed around was gone, and in his place was a semi crippled, scarred man who looked practically ten years older than she.

Reading Felicity's mind, Felix replied as he moved to hug her, "It's still me. I know I look different, but it's still me." But there was a worldliness, a maturity to his voice which spoke volumes of the horrors he had experienced, which his family could never understand.

Cecily chimed in, "It's lucky we didn't have breakfast yet, Felix, you must be starving. Look how thin you are, but Mother will fatten you up again."

"That's right, dear," Janet fussed as she bustled around the kitchen. "Girls, would you help me? Felix, go upstairs and get washed up. Oh, it's so lucky I couldn't bear to throw away your clothes. You'll have something nice and clean to wear."

"That's a good idea, Mother", and Felix proceeded to limp up the stairs. The rest of the family stayed quiet until Felix was out of earshot, staring at each other with the shock they still felt in their hearts.

"Oh, my poor baby. What can we do for him?" the tears started pouring from Janet's eyes again as she moaned the words.

"The first thing you can do is not feel sorry for him," said Gus forcefully. "The last thing he needs is pity and tears; what he needs your strength."

Felicity chimed in, "Gus is right. As hard as it is to see Felix like this, we've got to support him and be strong for him." At the look of doubt she saw in Janet's face, she continued, "Mother, Gus knows what its like to have to come back from the 'dead' like this."

The rest of the family agreed but still felt unsure, but the women got up and made the breakfast. In honor of his brother's homecoming, Daniel picked up the box of previously neglected ornaments and started hanging them on the tree.

Alec helped him for awhile, but then went to see what was taking Felix so long. He entered Felix' room to find him stripped to the waist, having completed shaving and washing up. It took all of Alec's fortitude not to gasp at the sight of more scars from the bomb's shrapnel on his son's newly sinewy yet muscular body. The rigors of military life and the recovery from his injuries had claimed all of Felix' baby fat.

"I'm just trying to look presentable for the family," Felix joked, trying to diffuse the feeling of shock which radiated from his father, as he dried off his face. "What I really need is a bath."

"We'll draw you one after breakfast. Are you ready to come down yet?" Felix nodded and pulled on a shirt that was now rather large on him, took up his crutch and followed his father down the stairs to a delicious smelling breakfast.

Felix managed to eat some of the food, but his heart was not really in it. He knew he should feel happy to be home but instead felt out of place. Had he given it some thought, he would have realized it was because he had changed so much. He smiled politely as Felicity told him that he would become an uncle in six months, but did not know she left out the details of the baby's name had it been a boy.

Felix turned to Cecily and asked "Where's Izzy? When I passed through the town last night, I noticed that the Pettibone home was completely dark."

Cecily explained that the Pettibones had traveled to New Brunswick for the holidays—Clive thought it best to get Izzy out of Avonlea for awhile, as she was very depressed over the news of Felix' death. 

Cecily did not tell Felix of the secret which Izzy had only shared with her; that she planned to go to France to drive ambulances for the military. She had told Cecily that she could not return to a place where she everything reminded her of her lost love. She knew Izzy's plan was to leave directly from Moncton—she would have to find some way to get word to her before she left.

Felix didn't reply to Cecily's information, he was sorry for the pain his Izzy was feeling because of him, and he covered himself by taking a few more halfhearted bites of his pancakes. "Maybe it's for the best if she stayed there," he ruminated sadly, "I should have married her before I left, that way she'd be mine now. I put it off like an idiot because I thought I had all the time in the world." Shaking his head without thinking, he said to himself, "Now it's going to be too late, once she sees me she'll never want me."

The irony was lost on him that Felicity was the one to ask him why he was shaking his head; he had totally forgotten that his sister had still wanted Gus back in spite of his blindness. All he could think to do in response was to snappishly ask her why she was staring at him. She apologized and the rest of the family was rather stunned at Felix' reaction.

The meal gave the family time to adjust to this stunning change of events and prepare for the trip to Rose Cottage. They had not telephoned Hetty and Olivia to advise of the good news because they knew Hetty was still weak from the operation and they felt it better to break it to her in person.

Felix bathed as the rest of the family bustled about to get ready for the trip to Rose Cottage. Felix dressed in another too large outfit, and Janet commented that she would soon be busy altering all of Felix' clothes. At last the family was all packed up and boarded the carriages to take them to Rose Cottage.

CHAPTER 4

Alec pulled the first carriage up to the door, and turned to his family. "Let me go in first, and break it to Hetty and Olivia," stated Alec as he alit from the carriage. He went onto the porch, gave a cursory knock on the door and let himself in, where he found Hetty relaxing in the parlor. Alec called for Olivia and Rachel Lynde to join him, and said to all three at once, "You're not going to believe this, I can hardly believe it myself. Felix is alive, this morning he came home."

After the women gasped and otherwise expressed their amazement at the happy news, Alec warned, "He's not the same Felix. His leg is injured and he is much thinner, with a couple of scars on his face. We all agreed to be strong for him and I have to ask that you do the same." The women somberly nodded their heads in agreement, and Alec went to the door and signaled the rest to come in.

Olivia and Rachel met Felix at the door, welcomed him warmly and with many tears, and reluctantly let him go so he could see Aunt Hetty. Felix had been told of his aunt's poor health, and limped to where she sat in her wheelchair.

"Oh, Felix, the price you have paid for doing your duty," Hetty thought to herself, but she hid her true feelings behind a rather brusque greeting to Felix. He bent down to give her a kiss and the brusqueness melted away, and she stroked Felix' face and hair. "Oh, my boy," she sighed, "Thank God you're home."

A feeling of thankfulness pervaded the Christmas dinner, yet it was tinged with some awkwardness. Felix was a different person, more remote and reserved, and the adults of the King family were not accustomed to the change in him. Frankly, they were still trying to get over the shock that Felix was still alive, not to mention home at last. 

The only lightheartedness at the table was brought by Daniel and Montgomery, who were thrilled to have a real live war hero at the dinner table. Felix had given his brother his army cap, which was now resting proudly in Daniel's lap.

The family tried to avoid mentioning the war, correctly assuming that it was the last thing that Felix wanted to hear about. However, in avoiding the topic, it seemed to fill up the room. Felix especially felt this tension, and was getting peeved that every time he would look at someone, they would already be staring self consciously at him, and would look quickly away when he met their gaze. 

"It's like just grew a horn out of my forehead," said Felix angrily to himself, and this annoyance made him unable to do little more than pick at his food. Aunt Hetty prodded him, "Felix, you're so thin already, you have to clean your plate." His look of aggravation was lost on her as she prattled on to Janet about how she would have to fatten him up.

After the meal was finished, and the dishes cleared away, Felicity poured each adult a small glass of Hetty's famous currant wine. This potent drink was made for sipping, as Felix well knew, but the stress of the day compelled him to bolt the bracing liquid down in one gulp, much to the astonishment of the rest of the Kings.

Felix felt abashed as he realized his faux pas, but then he got defensive—why shouldn't he have a drink or two after all he had been through? It was this defensive mode which rose up against his mother's look of admonishment, and he leapt to his feet as best he could.

"I've got to get out of here. I'm suffocating in this place!" All eyes at the table were focused on Felix as he yelled and wildly grabbed for his crutch. He moved away from the table and limped as quickly as possible out the door, neglecting even to take his coat.

Janet cried, "Go after him, Alec!" but Gus' words held him back. "Alec, let him be. It takes a long time to get adjusted to a change like this."

Alec had started to rise from his seat, but realized Gus was right. Gus was the only one who had any experience that might come close to all that Felix had endured, and Alec felt so impotent in the face of all that.

Felix' sudden departure brought the evening to a earlier conclusion than usual, and Janet and Alec wanted to get home in the hopes of finding Felix there. However, a search of King Farm showed that Felix had not returned.

Cecily tucked the exhausted Daniel into bed, and decided to turn in early herself, leaving Janet and Alec to their own devices at the kitchen table, alone with their fears and confusion. It was to this scene that Felix entered into about an hour later.

Felix blustered, "I'm sorry I left like that. I just couldn't stay—it was like I was going to explode. I feel like I don't fit in anymore….it's so different here!" Janet and Alec sat silently as Felix unburdened himself, and then Alec rose to put an arm around his son.

"I wish I could say it would all be alright, but I can't. I have no idea what you went through in France. I've never experienced a war, so I don't know what to do to help you now, except to love you."

Janet added, "You have to give it some time, Felix, you haven't even been home 24 hours."

"I know," whispered Felix huskily, and Janet rose to join the two in a hug, and then the three went upstairs to go to sleep.

CHAPTER 5

The next day dawned, and Felix offered to help Cecily and Daniel with the chores in the barn, in spite of Janet's warning to him that he should take it easy. But Felix needed some space and dismissed his mother's concerns for his health.

Felix gamely mucked out a stall, clumsily moving the rake while holding onto his crutch. Cecily stared intently at Felix' back, trying to get enough nerve to ask the question in her mind. Finally, it popped out.

"What happened to Elbert, Felix? Where is he stationed?"

Felix felt the tears sting his eyes as he turned around. "Cess, don't you know? Elbert was killed at the River Marne, by the same bomb that did all this to me."

Cecily looked like she was hit by a motorcar, she screamed "NO!!", and ran from the barn. Felix didn't know what to do; he watched as Cecily ran across the fields of newly fallen snow, but knew he was in no condition to catch her. Felix sighed and shook his head, and went back to his chores with Daniel trailing behind him in blissful ignorance; his brother's army cap perched proudly on his head. 

When they finished, Felix headed back to the house, Daniel still following behind him. Daniel's eyes lit upon a clump of snow, and he lifted it and threw it at Felix, hitting him squarely in the back.

"Hey, what did you do that for, you little imp!" cried Felix as he dropped his crutch and bent down to make a snowball and pitch it at Daniel. With the effort of the snowball fight, Felix had soon fallen over onto his side, and was rolling in the snow with Daniel, their voices raised in laughter, when Janet heard the scuffle and peered out the window.

"What is Daniel thinking, bothering Felix like that! Alec, go out there and stop them this instant!" Alec put a hand on her shoulder and replied, "No, Janet—listen."

It was only then that it dawned on Janet that Felix was laughing for the first time since he got home, and she turned to smile at Alec. They watched as the scuffle stopped, and Daniel helped Felix find his crutch, now partially buried in a snowdrift. 

Janet teasingly chided her boys as they came into the summer kitchen, "What were you two thinking? You'll catch pneumonia with those wet clothes on. Go upstairs right now and change before I put you both over my knee."

"Yes, Mother," Daniel yelled as he ran up the stairs, trailing snow behind him. Janet turned to Felix as she helped him off with his coat. "What happened to Cecily?" queried Janet, "don't tell me you left her in the barn to finish all the chores?" The question brought Felix crashing back to reality, and he replied in a soft, dejected voice, "She asked about Elbert, and I had to tell her of his death. Didn't you know about it?" The answer to that was plain from the astonished looks on his parents' faces.

"We had heard he only suffered a leg injury and that he was….he was coming back to Avonlea soon," Alec finished as he realized what must have happened. The army had somehow mixed up Felix and Elbert, and the Kings good fortune would end up being a tragedy for the Wertzes, compounded by the fact that they were waiting every day for their son's arrival back home.

"Oh Lord," said Janet as this fact hit her as well, as it did Felix. "Somebody's got to tell those poor people." Janet may not have been able to understand what Felix had gone through, but had only too much experience to be able to empathize with the Wertzes.

"I'll go," volunteered Felix, and when Janet protested that he was only just home himself and this would be too much for him, he added, "Don't you see, it has to be me, I'm the only witness to how bravely Elbert fought and died."

"But I'll go with you," offered Alec, and Felix nodded his assent. The pair went to the barn, hitched up the buggy and drove to the Wertz farm, on the outskirts of Markdale.

"Felix?!?" exclaimed Philip Wertz in surprise upon opening the door to the two King men. "How did you get back? I thought you…" A somber look crossed Mr. Wertz' face as he realized that Felix' presence on his doorstep meant that Elbert would never be coming home.

"May we come in," asked Alec, and Philip distractedly admitted him, while calling to his wife to come to the door. Edna Wertz soon joined the men, wiping flour off her hands onto her apron.

"Do come in," she offered, unaware of the sad task that brought the Kings to her home, not to mention the oddity of Felix showing up at their door. Philip had never told her of the news of Felix' death, as he thought it too upsetting for her. They followed her into the kitchen of the cramped, ramshackle home, and sat at the table, and she offered them some tea.

"Please, that's not why we came," Felix interjected. "But then what?" Edna asked as her husband put his arm around her and guided her into a seat. "I think they have news of our boy."

It was only then that Edna really looked at the tragic expression on Felix' face, and she knew the worst had happened.

"Mr. Wertz, Mrs. Wertz; Elbert was the bravest soldier I knew, and he died that way," Felix explained simply, and he looked down in his lap, afraid to look at them.

The Wertzes held onto each other, and as tears poured down Edna's cheeks, Philip said, "In my heart, this isn't really a surprise. I had a horrible feeling about this."

Edna looked up at Felix and asked plaintively, "Tell me what happened, tell me everything." Philip began to protest and Felix hoped against hope that he would prevail and quash his wife's question, but Edna insisted.

"I have to know, he's my baby and I have to know everything about what happened to my Elbert in France".

Felix glanced desperately at Alec, but he could only shrug—he could understand Edna's need for closure. Taking a deep breath, Felix started his story. Not a peep was heard from his rapt listeners.

"Elbert and I were sitting with the rest of our battalion in the trenches on the outskirts of the River Marne. We tried to stay calm by playing some cards, and we passed around a flask to help keep us warm—there was a chill in the night air. A messenger came through the lines and gave the captain the orders for us to advance." 

Felix looked directly at the Wertzes, "Elbert, I think…uh, he knew he wasn't going to come back from this one. He asked that I come to see you, and I…I promised him that we'd come back here together." Felix' voice broke at this point and Alec held him until he could go on.

Felix took hold of himself and continued, "We scrambled out of the trench, and there were bombs falling all around us. Elbert spotted some Germans to the right of us, one of whom was getting ready to shoot at us. Elbert was quicker and picked him off, which gave me a chance to lob off a grenade, which I think killed the rest of them. As we went further up, I heard Elbert shoot again, but the smoke was so thick that I couldn't see what he aimed for, and I turned to him to find out what he was looking at. It was then that the bomb landed right behind him. I, I saw…I saw Elbert get thrown towards me. It's odd, I didn't feel the shrapnel hit me, all I saw was Elbert."

Felix looked at Edna in the eye, and she nodded that she wanted him to continue. "I crawled on the ground over to him, and I think he was in a state of shock. His last words were, 'Felix, it's so bright—I can see him!', and then he was gone."

"Please believe me—I know he wasn't in any pain," Felix concluded, and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand as he heard Edna give a sorrowful cry. Felix looked at his father, who pulled his son's head over and kissed his hair.

Philip stood and went over to Felix. "Thank you for telling us, and for staying with Elbert to the end. He couldn't have had a better friend than you." To Alec, who had stood to express his condolences, Philip said, "Thank you for bringing Felix here, and for your sympathy. You'll have to excuse us, we need some time alone." With that Philip clasped his wife in his arms, and Alec and Felix took their leave. It was a silent ride back to King Farm. 

CHAPTER 6

Felix would have liked to be alone at that point, but when he entered the kitchen he found Simon Tremayne at the table talking to Janet. Upon seeing Felix, Simon jumped to his feet and shook Felix' hand.

"Felix, I couldn't believe when I heard about your miraculous return! I had to come over to see for myself. You wouldn't believe how the word of this is spreading throughout Avonlea!"

Felix' first thought on hearing Simon carry on at such a great rate was to escape to his room, but he realized that Simon had been a good friend in the past and he at least owed him a visit. But Felix was caught up short by Simon's next comment.

"So tell me all about it, what it's really like over in France. Is it really as exciting as we're reading in the papers?"

The stress of what he had just endured in having to tell the Wertzes the bad news of Elbert's death bubbled to the surface, and Felix snapped, "It's great if you like to see your friends blown to bits right in front of your eyes!!" A hush fell over the room and Felix looked down at the floor.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you, Mr. Tremayne, I just can't talk about it anymore," explained Felix, and he sighed wearily, "Please excuse me, I need to lie down now."

After Felix went to his bedroom, Alec explained to Janet and Simon about the trip to the Wertz residence, and retold most of the story which Felix told Elbert's parents. Janet gasped with shock at the details of the battle at the River Marne, and Simon expressed his shame at being so insensitive to Felix.

"It was just that I was so excited that Felix was home—everybody in town is. I guess the reality of the war is a lot different than the stuff you read in the newspapers. Please tell Felix that if he wants his old job back, it's waiting for him—whenever he's ready. And please tell him I'm sorry."

Alec replied, "I'll pass your words on to Felix, I'm sure he'll be glad about the job. Maybe some normalcy is just what he needs right now."

Simon took his leave, but at the door he added, "I'll tell the people in town not to come rushing out here like I did; that Felix needs some time to get used to being home again." Janet thanked him as she closed the door behind him.

Alec sighed as he sat at the kitchen table, and Janet brought him a cup of tea. "I can't tell you how tired I am," Alec began. "Hearing that story, what our boy has been through, it's a miracle he was ever able to return to us. It was more horrifying than I could ever have imagined in my wildest dreams."

"Alec, what can we do for Felix? It's clear that he's unhappy, and after hearing about what happened it's no surprise. But now he's home and he doesn't seem to want to be here, like he's jumping out of his skin."

Alec started to reply, but then Cecily came in the door, tears still pouring down her face. She had kept it a secret, but she had deep feelings for Elbert, feelings which would now come to nothing. Cecily informed her parents that she had been sitting at the lighthouse since she had left so abruptly that morning. The shocking news had driven all thoughts of contacting Izzy from her mind. 

Janet, who had suspected something romantic developing between Elbert and Cecily, took her daughter in her arms. "I'm so sorry, my darling. I wish I could take away your pain. Between you and your brother, I just feel so helpless."

"Mother, there's nothing you can do for me. If there's anything I've learned from having had the consumption, it's that you just have to keep going, no matter how hard it is. And you have enough to worry about with Felix, he's so tense and sad."

Alec replied with false optimism, "We were just talking about that when you came home, but I don't want you worrying about Felix; you leave that to us and just take care of yourself now. I think once Felix gets used to being home, and learns to manage for himself while using that crutch, that he'll be more like his usual self." Janet answered, "I hope you're right, Alec."

Janet rose from the table to start preparing dinner. When Cecily went to help her, Janet protested but Cecily responded that it would help her to be busy right now. Janet acceded to her wishes, and about an hour later dinner was ready. Alec sent Daniel upstairs to fetch Felix, but Daniel came down the stairs alone, the ever present army cap falling over his eyes.

"Felix was asleep, and he wouldn't wake up no matter how much I shook him—he just kept snoring."

"Well, don't worry about it, he's had a strenuous day. The rest will be good for him," Alec hypothesized. He would not have been so blithe about Felix' condition had he known that the deep sleep was caused by the consumption of the remains of his whiskey flask. 

But they were all unaware of this fact as they sat down at the table, and Alec said teasingly to Daniel, "Young man, I hope you're not planning on sitting down to this food with that hat on your head." Daniel removed it with a smile, placed it carefully on the post on the back of his chair, and asked Alec, "Felix is a real live war hero, isn't he, Father?" His eyes glowed as he waited for Alec's reply. Alec brushed his youngest's flyaway hair down tenderly with his hand, and told him, "Yes, he is; all of our boys fighting in France are heroes, son."

"I want to be a hero, too. I'll go off to fight in Felix' place!" Janet let out a small moan as she heard her baby's declaration, but became quiet from a warning glance from her husband. Alec turned to Daniel and said, "Son, I pray that there will never be another war after this one. It's not glamorous; just take a look at your brother and how he's suffering. Being a hero is one of the hardest things in the world."

CHAPTER 7

Between the stress of the day and the remains of his whiskey flask, Felix' sleep was troubled and brought on the nightmare which had sporadically tortured him since that fateful day in France. He had been fortunate that he had not had it since the army hospital ship first left the port at Dunkirk, but having to relive the day for the Wertzes brought it on in all its horror.

The dream opened up on a field shrouded in fog, with shells falling all around. Felix was running with his gun towards the enemy line, dodging bullets while firing at the Germans. Suddenly he heard a shell whistling through the air over his head, which landed behind Felix, and he turned towards the noise in terror. Up until that moment the dream mirrored the real life experience he had at the River Marne, but in the dream, he turned to the horrifying vision of Izzy in Elbert's place as the one who was blown up.

Felix fell out of his bed in his sleep, reaching out to catch the image of Izzy which was playing in his mind, and he kept screaming the same terror filled word—"NO!!!!!" The noise rousted the entire family from their beds to see what was wrong, with Alec and Janet first to reach Felix' room. They opened the door to the sight of their son caught in the blankets from his bed, struggling on the floor with arms reached out in desperation, still screaming at something they could not see.

By that time Felix' eyes were wide open but unseeing, and in his dream he had just reached the gravely wounded Izzy and moved to take her in his arms. But it was his father whose body he grabbed, and whose face he stared at while crying, " Please don't die! I need you, please don't leave me!!!"

"Felix!!! Felix, wake up! It's a dream, wake up!" called Alec as he shook his son. Janet quickly lit a lamp and knelt down to try to free Felix' shaking body from the blankets. Alec turned to Cecily and ordered her to take Daniel from the room and to shut the door behind her. Daniel, who was still clutching Felix' army cap, started wailing in fright as he saw his brother thrashing about on the floor. It took all of Cecily's effort to pull him away.

Once Janet removed the blankets she helped Alec wrestle Felix to the floor and held him there until he broke free of the nightmare. It was then that she glanced at the side of his bed and saw the empty flask lying on the floor.

With tears in his eyes which were wide with confusion, Felix stuttered, "Where's Izzy? She was right here!" As Janet held Felix' throbbing head, he finally pieced together that Izzy was just in his dream, and he began to cry with relief. To his parents he sobbed, "That stupid dream, it's so real to me and no matter what I do I can't save Izzy, just like I couldn't save Elbert!"

Alec helped Felix back onto his bed and Janet put his robe over his shoulders, and Felix finally managed to quiet down. Alec looked at his wife over Felix' head and they shared a look of utter helplessness at not being able to help their child. Janet started, "Felix, tell us what we can do to help you get past this. We just don't know what to do for you." 

Felix replied in frustration, "I don't know, Mother. I thought things would be better once I got home and it isn't. I feel like such a failure because I couldn't save Elbert, and having to look his parents in the eye felt worse than the shrapnel tearing my leg open."

Chapter 8

The next day dawned, and Muriel was clearing the breakfast dishes at her sister's house in New Brunswick. She performed the task alone, as Izzy abruptly refused Muriel's request for help and went out the door to take another of her long walks.

The menial task did little to take Muriel's mind off of Izzy. She had hoped that being in New Brunswick for the holidays would have eased the burden that she knew weighed down Izzy's heart since Felix' death. Clive and Muriel had discussed it a number of times and still had not agreed on how to help Izzy. The trip was obviously a failure as Izzy was still so lost and depressed.

To take her mind off of her problems, Muriel decided to call the General Store to check how things were going. After spending well over an hour waiting for the long distance operator to put the call through, she was finally speaking to Samuel, the clerk she left in charge of the store in her absence.

Trying to add a lightness to her voice that she did not truly feel, Muriel asked about Samuel's Christmas and also how his wife was doing now that she was in the last weeks of her pregnancy.

Samuel replied, "It was a very merry Christmas for me, but not nearly as wonderful as it must have been for the Kings."

Muriel was struck by confusion from this statement, and decided she couldn't have heard it correctly; "Samuel, I think the line is bad, I can't hear you properly."

In a louder voice, Samuel reiterated, "I said it was a great Christmas for the Kings, what with Felix home from France."

Muriel was dumbfounded, "What!?! I can't have heard you right. Did you say that Felix is alive!?!

Samuel then recalled that the Pettibones had left Avonlea before Felix' arrival, and this news would be quite a shock to them. "Forgive me, Mrs. Pettibone, I should have thought to call you yesterday when I first heard the good news."

"Never mind," responded Muriel hurriedly, "I have to hang up now, I have to find Izzy and tell her the wonderful news!" She bid Samuel a quick goodbye, not giving him a chance to tell Muriel about what he had heard of Felix' condition. He shrugged his shoulders as he hung up the receiver, figuring that they'll find out on their own soon enough.

Muriel screamed, "Clive, come down here. I need you!!" Clive burst into the parlor, saying quizzically, "Hold up, Muriel. Where's the fire?"

A gigantic smile spread across Muriel's face as she told him, "Clive, I was just speaking to Samuel at the store—Felix King is ALIVE!!!" A look of amazement crossed Clive's face.

"I don't believe it—the King boy is alive? What happened?"

"Oh, I don't really know, I was just so excited at the news that I didn't think to pursue it further. Izzy is going to be so happy!"

"Where is she?" Clive inquired, looking out into the hallway, "I can't wait to see her face when she hears about this."

"She went out for a walk, again; I don't know where," Muriel answered. Clive looked abashed as he explained, "I know where she is, one day I followed her to make sure she was alright."

"Well, it's lucky you did. Point the way, Clive, and let's go!" Muriel directed, and Clive grabbed their coats and they went out the door.

Izzy stood by the warmth of the harbormasters house in at the Moncton docks, but she still felt cold and desolate. The hustle and bustle of the waterfront activity continued around her as if she was not standing there. She looked intently at the water, trying to see all the way across the ocean to the place where her Felix was buried. 

Tears once again filled her eyes, but she choked them back. It was almost two months since she got word of her boyfriend's death, and she knew it was time to move on with her life. She didn't realize that she was shaking her head, in silent protest to that thought—she didn't want to move on to a future without Felix. 

But she knew she had to, and her plan to leave for France from New Brunswick was just the ticket. Maybe helping out on the fields of battle would get rid of the pain in her heart. She would spend the rest of the holiday season with Clive and Muriel in Moncton, and then enlist in the Red Cross and leave from there.

It was to the scene of Izzy ruminating about her fate that Clive and Muriel came upon when they found her at the docks, and they had to call her name a couple of times before she woke out of her reverie.

Izzy wheeled around at the sound of her name being called, and snapped in an accusatory tone, "What are you doing, following me? I need to be alone!"

This put Clive's back up immediately, and he was about to admonish Izzy when Muriel took his arm to stop him. Then she turned to Izzy and said, "Izzy, please don't misunderstand why we're here—we found you for a reason, to tell you that Felix is alive!"

Izzy went pale at hearing the words, and looked as if she were about to faint. Clive reached out and took her elbow to prevent her from falling, and with a loud sob she threw herself into his arms, crying with relief and joy. Muriel stroked Izzy's hair until she stopped, and Izzy looked away from her father's shoulder, and insisted, "We must go back to Avonlea today, I need to see Felix now!"

"Of course, dear," said Clive, and the happy trio went back to Muriel's sister's home to prepare for their trip back to PEI.

Chapter 9

This same morning was not so happy in the King home. After getting Felix back in bed, Janet and Alec had spent the rest of the night talking discussing him. The discovery of the empty flask came as a nasty wake up call that their son was far more troubled than they realized, and they feared that their boy might already be lost to them.

Upon hearing their rooster crow, Janet and Alec decided it was useless to remain in bed, and they went downstairs to unenthusiastically start their day. Cecily and Daniel followed in short order, and Alec asked them to start their chores. He explained, "We need to be alone, to discuss something with your brother. Perhaps you should go to your Aunt Hetty's this morning for breakfast." Cecily and Daniel looked at each other perplexedly, and then pulled on their coats and left.

It was after 11:00AM by the time Felix finally pulled himself out of bed and got dressed. He went to the kitchen, and was greeted by stern looks from his parents. His head was pounding, he felt sick to his stomach, and Felix couldn't help but think that a lecture was the last thing he needed that morning.

Alec told Felix to take a seat, but Felix replied defensively that he'd just as soon stand. Sighing, Alec faced his son and pulled the empty whiskey flask from underneath the table.

"Felix, what is the meaning of this?" Alec demanded.

Felix grasped his crutch tighter, tensing at the sight of the flask, and lowering his head. "What did you do, search my room!" he muttered obstinantly.

Janet answered, "We didn't have to, you dropped it by the side of your bed." Alec added rashly, "Obviously, you were too drunk to hide it."

Felix' head snapped upright at the sounds of his father's accusation, and glared at Alec with fire in his eyes. "I don't have to justify myself to you! Neither of you have any idea of the hell I've been through, nor of what I need to get over it!" Felix shouted.

"Don't you dare speak to me like that!" Alec responded, jumping to his feet, trying desperately to regain some control over the situation. Felix' words acted as a reminder that Alec was totally unable to relate to his son's experiences and made his temper flare up as well, and he impulsively started to raise his hand to strike Felix.

"Stand down, Father!" ordered Felix in a voice his parents had never heard come from his mouth; one which was accustomed to commanding soldiers. He had correctly assumed that Alec was going to hit him, and saw a flash of apprehension in his father's eyes as he dropped his hand. 

Seeing this, Felix pressed his advantage and continued sarcastically, "Don't forget, I could have killed you in the barn if I had wanted to— and you wouldn't have been the first, either!" Felix immediately felt mortified that he could speak to his father so cruelly once he noticed the crushed, defeated look on Alec's face, but he was in no condition to offer an apology to his parents; he was stretched to the limit and was about to explode.

"I have to get out of here!" Felix spat out, and limped as quickly as he could up the stairs and slammed the door to his room shut. Janet, who had been frozen to her seat in dismay at the sight of what her son had become, went over to Alec and held him.

His parents had expected that Felix only meant that he needed to go to his room to cool off, but realized otherwise when Felix limped down the stairs with a bag clutched in his free hand. "No, please don't leave!" pleaded Janet, choking back a sob and trying to grab her son's arm.

Impetuously, Felix stated his intentions: "I can't stay here, I can't stand the way you look at me! I've earned the right to do as I please! Just get out of my way." Felix threw open the door, almost knocking over Felicity who was just entering. A look of utter surprise crossed Felicity's face as Felix pushed past her and limped off across the fields.

Alec's temper returned at seeing the look of sadness and hurt on Janet's face from her son's rejection; and following Felix to the door, he called after him, "Maybe there's nothing we can do for you, but whiskey isn't going to help you, it will destroy you!"

Felix turned around, and in a voice tinged with disgust, he sneered at Alec, "It doesn't matter, there's nothing left to destroy," and he continued on his way.

"What happened!" cried Felicity in astonishment. She had never seen her parents and Felix so upset, not even when Felix shot Digger. Alec stormed off to the barn without a word, and Janet sat down sobbing, and tried to explain to Felicity all that had transpired since Christmas night. 

She moaned, "Felix has changed—he's so angry. Now he's left, but even if we dragged him back I don't think he'd really want to stay with us. And he's started drinking; you know how we feel about that. It's like a stranger has taken over Felix' body and stolen our son!" Felicity just held her mother and let her cry it out.

And in the barn stood Alec, a look of total defeat on his face, praying in between sobs for his son to come back home and be the same Felix he was before he left to fight in that God forsaken war. He clutched at a bridle, and cradled it to his chest as if it was a baby, recalling how he proudly held his precious newborn son Felix, who returned from war so desperately tormented.

It was a fervent prayer that looked as if it would not be answered, judging from the sight of Felix as he stalked resolutely across the fields to the road, looking to hail a ride to the ferry in Borden. All he could think of was escape—from his family, the farm, the nightmares that tortured him, and worst of all—the fear that Izzy would never want him now.

Chapter 10

The Kings had spent a sleepless night hoping that Felix would return, and the disappointment that he did not hung like a cloud over their breakfast table. Late the previous afternoon, Alec and some of the neighbors had searched the most likely hiding places, such as the lighthouse. Their search did not turn up a single clue as to Felix' whereabouts.

It was to this sad scene that the Pettibones arrived at King Farm. Originally, they were going to stop at their home and drop off their luggage, but Izzy was so eager to see Felix that she could not wait a single extra second, so the Pettibones drove to the King Farm directly from the ferry. Unknowingly, they had passed Felix on his trip to Halifax.

Clive knocked on the door, but when it was not answered quickly enough, Izzy threw open the door and called, "Felix! Felix!" The calls went unanswered and finally she turned to see the Kings sitting morosely at their table in the kitchen—all the Kings except the one she wanted to see the most.

Clive and Muriel followed the impetuous Izzy in the door, and upon seeing Alec and Janet began to apologize for Izzy's rudeness in barging in the door. Before the words left their mouths, they realized that something was terribly wrong. Alec responded to their unspoken query.

"Felix isn't here, Izzy. I don't think he'll be back." he explained brokenly, and Janet's sob cut off any further words.

"What! Where is he?" Izzy demanded, stunned, unable to believe that she had just hit a dead end, just when she was so close to seeing her beau again.

"Izzy," said Muriel, holding the girl's shoulders in a silent warning to keep silent and give the Kings a chance to explain.

Izzy finally got the message that she was not the only one who was suffering, and went to hug Cecily, and the Pettibones sat down quietly at the table.

Gus sucked in a deep breath and began: "Felix took off yesterday morning. He was terribly wounded in the leg during a battle, but I think he's got more scars on the inside than the outside," he concluded intuitively.

Felicity added, "You wouldn't recognize him, Izzy. It's not just how he looks, he's become so bitter."

Izzy's eyes teared up as she tried to absorb all of this information. She shook her head in denial; "It can't be, not Felix!"

Clive, the only person at the table with a military background, informed the group knowledgeably, "Unfortunately, yes it can, Izzy. Some men can never get over the horrors they witnessed and the killing they had to do. Their experiences poison their entire future. It's extremely difficult to go from an atmosphere filled with killing and violence back to the normalcy of home. It takes a long time before you feel like you fit in again."

Izzy persisted, "Other men, maybe, but not Felix. I need to find him, he needs me!"

Cecily responded, "We looked everywhere around here—he's nowhere to be found. Nobody has seen him, we have no idea where he went."

Janet concluded despondently, "And we have no idea if he would stay here even if we did locate him and bring him back. Izzy, you didn't see him, this farm was the last place on earth he wanted to be."

Izzy was silenced by the news, but her mind was working busily. She decided that she would strike off on her own to find him, no matter what it took. Deciding that it would be fruitless to remain and exchange useless trivialities, the Pettibones took their leave.

Chapter 11

Without really thinking about it, Felix was making his way back to his army buddy, Tommy Barrett. He was desperately in need of camaraderie rather than curiosity, and an escape from feeling like he was trapped in a fishbowl with everybody staring at him.

Felix disembarked from the ferry at Halifax, and stopped in the harbormasters house to ask if he could use the telephone. Fortunately, on the ferry Felix had changed back into his uniform, as it was the most properly fitting clothes he had. Upon seeing a sergeant from the army, the harbormaster was more than happy to lend the use of the phone to Felix.

Felix picked up the receiver, asked the operator to connect him with the Barrett home, and waited none too patiently for his call to go through. Had he known that Tommy was by himself, Felix would have had no qualms about just dropping by, but he thought better of doing that to the Barrett family, no matter how nice they were. Felix tapped his fingers impatiently, waiting to speak to the one person he knew of who could relate to his experiences. He stood reviewing in his mind the events of the past few days, and how nice it would be to knock back a few drinks with Tommy and forget all of it.

Felix was roused from his reverie by the sound of a male voice, which stated formally "Barrett Residence." Felix furrowed his brow; the voice didn't sound like Tommy, or of any other male member of the family. Felix inquired, "Hello, may I speak to Tommy Barrett?" and listened as the person on the other end of the line gasped, then stuttered slightly as he asked, "Who may I ask is calling?"

Felix, getting annoyed, replied stridently, "Felix King; Sergeant Felix King. May I please speak to Tommy now." "Please hold on, I'll get Mr. Barrett." came the answer and Felix began to protest that he didn't want to speak to Mr. Barrett, but a sick feeling of dread came over him, and he clutched the receiver tightly.

After hearing muffled voices in the background, a familiar voice came on the line. "Felix," said Mr. Barrett, who then choked back a gasp, "Felix, I'm sorry, you can't speak to Tommy. He died yesterday."

Felix' jaw dropped and he sank into a chair, exclaiming "What!?! What happened?" to the sound of Mr. Barrett crying into the phone. Felix waited for Mr. Barrett to continue, and in stops and starts between sobs he advised Felix that Tommy had fallen down the stairs and broke his neck.

A flush went over Felix' face and he gasped for air. "This can't be happening," he thought, and he shook his head as the tears gathered in his eyes. Finally, Felix composed himself enough to choke out his condolences to Mr. Barrett and the family. As there really was not too much to say after that, Felix wrapped up the conversation and got off the phone, and limped out to the docks to cry in private.

When he got to an area where he could be alone, however, the tears wouldn't come; only a cold, bitter despondency filled him. He had never felt so alone in his entire life.

Upon realizing that standing there was useless, Felix resolutely turned from the water and walked back towards the city. He decided to go to the Citadel, where he knew the army would have personnel stationed. The first thing he needed was a new hat, as he forgot to take his back from Daniel when he left. Also, he was hoping they might have a lead for him about housing or a job, as his money was not going to hold out forever.

It took a while with his leg, but eventually Felix got to the Citadel, and saluted the staff sergeant at the front desk. Felix then inquired, "Is it possible for me to get a new uniform cap here? I lost the one I had to the wind while I was on the ferry." The staff sergeant directed him to the quartermasters hut. Before he left, Felix asked if, as a wounded soldier, he could stay at the Citadel for a few days. The staff sergeant apologized and said no, but that he could try some of the taverns by the harbor, they had about the cheapest housing around, or to ask at the soldiers mission house. Felix thanked him, saluted again and left for the quartermaster's hut. 

Upon collecting his new hat, Felix headed off for the mission house, and was told he could stay there for a few days, at least until the next load of wounded was transported back from France. While he was there, Felix recognized some of the men housed there and spent the rest of the day commiserating with them. After dinner, one of the wounded men produced a bottle of rum, which was passed around among the group.

After the drinking fest, Felix lay in his cot, looking up at the ceiling, trying not to think of the events of the past few days as he waited for sleep to come. Unbidden, thoughts of Izzy came to his mind and he tried to push them out. He reminded himself ruefully, "There's no way now that I'll ever be good enough for her. She wouldn't want me the way I am."

Chapter 12

"For the last time, Izzy, NO!! I am not going to have you chasing all over the place after that Felix King!" Clive yelled at his daughter for at least the fiftieth time since that morning. This battle had been going at full force ever since early that day, when they got word of the first lead in Felix' disappearance, that he was seen boarding the ferry to Halifax the day before yesterday. It didn't take long for Clive to figure out what was on his tempestuous daughter's mind.

"You can't keep me here like a prisoner! I need to follow him and bring him home," Izzy replied, desperately but unsuccessfully trying to convince her father that she needed to find her beau. Upon running into a brick wall once again, she finally threw up her hands in total frustration and stormed out of the room.

Muriel, who had been silent through this latest Pettibone conflict, turned to her husband and put her hand on his back, rubbing it gently in an attempt to calm him down. Finally, he responded, "Muriel, I can't have her traipsing all over the place in search of Felix. We have no idea where he is now. It was daunting enough of a search just on the island. Who knows where he headed after he got off the ferry?"

"Clive, you're right, but don't you think we owe Izzy a chance? Perhaps you could use your military connections to help track him down?" Muriel pleaded. Clive stood silent, mulling over the logic of her request.

After considering the possibility, Clive agreed to see what he could do and put in a call the Army Barracks in Halifax, to speak with his old friend Major Rudolph Hamilton. Finally, the call was put through and after the usual greetings and reminiscences of the old days during the Boer War; Clive got to the point.

"It seems that a friend of my daughter's was wounded in France and returned home, but soon after that, he ran off from home and the last we heard he was headed for Halifax. Have you by any chance been contacted by a soldier named Felix King, I believe he's a sergeant?"

Major Hamilton replied in the negative, but then offered, "I'll check with the staff, and if I hear anything I'll let you know." After expressing his thanks, Clive said, "If you find any trace of him, don't contact him; just let me know and I'll take it from there."

Upon putting down the receiver, Clive turned to his wife and said, "We'll see if that turns up anything." Muriel suggested, "Why don't you go over and let Alec know, I'm sure he'll appreciate your efforts." Clive agreed that was a good idea and pulled on his coat, and walked to the King Farm. Muriel stayed behind to reassure Izzy.

Clive guessed that Alec would be in the barn at that time of day, and was correct in his assumption. After exchanging pleasantries, Clive told Alec of his efforts, for which Alec wearily thanked him.

"I know I should be out again today looking for him, but I am at a loss where to even begin. If it's true about the ferry to Halifax, he could be anywhere by now, " Alec sighed discouragedly, shaking his head sadly.

Clive realized that he would need more information on this family fallout if he were to be of any assistance. Clive put his hand on Alec's shoulder and in an unusually soft voice inquired, "Alec, what happened between you two, anyhow? I only know what your family said the other day, and I know from personal experience how difficult it is to come home from war; but I have to agree with Izzy—it just doesn't sound like Felix."

That question was more than Alec could stand. His eyes flared and he threw his rake to the barn floor in rage, but then he caught himself short. Truthfully, he was angrier with himself than Felix at this point, and it wouldn't do any good to take it out on a neighbor and friend who had just offered to help. 

Alec looked Clive sadly in the eyes and replied despondently, "It's all my fault, Clive, I drove my boy away." 

A look of surprise crossed Clive's face; though he often found himself in conflict with Alec, he knew him to be a loving and supportive father. "Aren't you being a little hard on yourself, Alec?"

Alec disagreed, and launched into a candid description of the whole debacle, culminating with the confrontation about the bottle of whiskey. He finished up his tale by saying, "And Janet thinks that Felix will never come home again. It's like hearing about his death all over again. Also, I never served in the army; I can't understand what he's been through, and I think Felix resents me in particular for that."

Clive waited silently until Alec was finished, and then replied, "Well, that situation with the whiskey, you can certainly understand that. Like father, like son, eh?"

Alec lowered his eyes, embarrassed to look at the only other person who knew about the horrible episode which happened a couple of weeks after the family was told erroneously that Felix had been killed in action. Late one afternoon, Alec went to the Post Office, only to receive a batch of letters, from the family, Izzy, Avonlea neighbors—all addressed to Felix and all marked "Deceased—Return to Sender." 

Especially heartbreaking was a letter tucked into the stack, which Felix had written two days before he was supposedly killed. Alec went behind the blacksmith's shop to read his son's last letter, and sobbed as he read about how Felix was looking forward to coming home. 

After burning all the letters but the one from Felix in a big pile, Alec went on a major drunken bender. The letters were the last straw, he was unable to deal with the finality of Felix' death. He ended up passed out in the Pettibone's garden late that night. Clive found him and sobered him up so he was able to return home the next day, and never said a word about it. That act of kindness had helped Alec immeasurably during that painful period in his life.

Without belaboring the point, Clive slapped Alec on the back and tried to sound encouraging, "My friend has a lot of connections in Halifax. If anyone can ferret Felix out, it's him." Alec thanked him for his efforts and Clive took his leave.

Chapter 13

Luck was with the Kings and Izzy; when Clive returned to his house that evening he was greeted by the sound of the phone ringing and he picked it up.

"Hello, Clive, it's Rudolph. It's your lucky day, old man. I had to go to the quartermasters, and just happened to ask the corporal about your daughter's friend. Sergeant King had been there—he needed a new hat and also asked about a place to stay in Halifax. I checked discreetly at the mission house, and found out he spent last night there."

"Interestingly," the major continued, "it appears that this Sergeant King is in line for a Victoria Cross as well as a battlefield commission. I have been advised that after he suffered his wounds, he crawled to a machine gun nest full of Germans and wiped them out with a single hand grenade. That saved his comrades from being mowed down by the machine gunners and allowed them to forge ahead and win the battle. There had been a number of stragglers who were starting to run away, but once they saw Felix' bravery they continued to fight."

Clive breathed a sigh of relief as well as more than a little astonishment at the news; there might be a chance to catch up to Felix, and who would have thought him capable of such acts of bravery. Not the Felix King he knew, he thought cynically.

Clive replied, "Rudolph, thank you, and I would appreciate if you could keep an eye on the sergeant, as much as you can. I think it's time for me to take a trip to Halifax."

Clive told Muriel the news and told her not to wait dinner for him. Due to the late hour, he saddled Annabelle and rode back to the King Farm. Having heard voices downstairs, Izzy roused herself from the nap she had taken after the exhausting battle with her father, and went to find Muriel. 

"Muriel, I thought I heard you and Father speaking. Is there any news?"

Muriel, looking at Izzy's face which was lit up with anticipation, did not want to give the girl false hope. On the other hand, though, she did not want to lie to her. She started, "Izzy, there has been word of Felix' whereabouts, but it's nothing concrete yet. Your father has gone to tell Mr. King the news, and they'll decide how to handle it."

"I'll tell them how to handle it!" replied Izzy quickly, reaching for her coat and heading for the door, "We should follow it up immediately! Tell me where he is, I'll leave now!"

Ignoring her brash statement, Muriel caught up to Izzy and put a restraining hand on her shoulder. "Izzy, I think your father has a plan about how to handle this, I think we should leave it to him." When Izzy showed no signs of heeding Muriel, she tightened her grasp and continued emphatically, "Listen to me. Felix is in a very upset state of mind. This matter has to be handled delicately; I know you don't want to do anything to jeopardize Felix' return home. Don't go running off, wait until your father gets home and we can find out what he has in mind."

Izzy turned from the door, disappointment clear on her face, but agreed to wait for her father. It was clear that Muriel would not tell her where Felix was, and so she really had no choice. 

It was dark by the time Clive knocked on the door to the King Farm. Cecily stopped stirring the gravy for that night's dinner, and answered it.

"Hello, Mr. Pettibone, please come in."

"Thank you Cecily, I see that your family is about to sit down to dinner, but may I please see your father for a few minutes?"

"I'll go get him," Cecily responded, and a few minutes later Alec came down the front stairs.

"Clive, I'm surprised to see you back so soon."

Clive advised in a low voice, "I have some news about Felix. Can we go somewhere where we can discuss this?" Alec nodded, pulled on his coat and told Cecily he would be outside and to start dinner without him.

Clive got right to the point, "My friend in Halifax told me that Felix is staying for the time being at a mission house. I think we should start out first thing in the morning to go there and speak to him." Clive intentionally left out the information about Felix' bravery on the fields of war; he figured that Felix should disclose that information himself.

Alec agreed with Clive's plan, but asked that it not be mentioned to any other member of the King family. "If it turns out to be a dead end, at least they won't be disappointed. I'll find some excuse to go to the mainland."

The two made plans to meet in time to get to an early ferry, and went their separate ways.

Clive was met at the door to his home by Izzy, who, without any preliminaries, told her father that she was going wherever she had to in order to find Felix. Actually, Clive had been pondering the advisability of bringing Izzy along, and had decided already in favor of such a move. He realized that he would need to use every resource at his fingertips to get Felix back to Avonlea.

When Clive advised Izzy of his plan, she was caught off guard as she had prepared for a long evening spent arguing with her father. Instead, she threw herself in his arms and thanked him. He then advised Muriel that he would need her to drive them to the ferry, she agreed, and the Pettibone family ate dinner and went to bed early in anticipation of the coming day.

Chapter 14

The Pettibones picked up Alec in Muriel's motorcar and drove to the docks. After an uneventful ferry trip, the trio disembarked in Halifax, and immediately headed for the Citadel to speak to Major Hamilton.

After some quick introductions, the major related some bad news to the group—Felix had left the mission house yesterday as the room was needed for more wounded soldiers, and there was no word on where he went. Major Hamilton suggested that they start their search in the taverns by the waterfront, as Felix most likely would have been looking for a cheap place to stay. One of the patients at the mission house had told the major that Felix had not expressed any intention of leaving town for the time being.

"One other thing, Clive," Major Hamilton called out as the group was leaving the major's office, "The man I spoke to said that Sergeant King is still in a rather agitated frame of mind." 

With that information ringing in their ears, Clive, Izzy and Alec first went to a hotel where they rented two adjoining rooms, dropped off their luggage and got a quick bite of food, then left for the harborfront. Clive advised that, for the purposes of his plan, that they should all stick together in their travels. 

Clive envisioned a scenario where he would speak to Felix first. He felt that the others were too close to the problem and might inadvertently drive Felix further away. However, he kept this part of his plan to himself for the time being—no use in dealing with their protestations until Felix was located.

For hours the group scoured the waterfront dives, and Izzy and Alec got more disheartened with each failure to locate him. Finally, they decided that they would have to find some food for themselves before they could go on. 

As luck would have it, Izzy strode up to window of the last tavern they checked, hoping to see a menu posted, and spotted Felix as he limped down the back stairs and headed for the bar. She was just about to scream his name and burst through the door, but Clive held her back and shushed her.

"Alec, take Izzy back to the hotel and get something to eat. Let me speak to him alone first. I think it's better this way because I can understand what Felix has gone through."

Needless to say, Alec and Izzy were not thrilled with this plan, but finally Clive convinced them and they left. Clive took a deep breath and entered the tavern. He walked up just behind Felix, and clamped a hand on his shoulder.

"Sergeant, can I buy you a drink?"

Chapter 15

In order to pass the time, Alec treated Izzy to dinner in the hotel's dining room, but both of them were far too nervous to do little more than play with their food. Idle chitchat did not work either, and eventually the two lapsed into a fretful silence which hung over the table like a fog.

After a few minutes, Izzy broke the tension, "Mr. King, do you think Father will be able to bring Felix back to us? Don't you think we should have stayed with him?" Unconsciously, she started rising to her feet, wanting to run out the door. Alec took her hand and kept her in her seat.

"At first I wasn't happy with your father's plan, but now I think he's right. If anyone can understand what Felix has been through, it's him." It certainly isn't me, finished Alec to himself sadly. Izzy was not completely convinced by Alec's words, but gave a tiny nod of her head and continued morosely picking at her food.

Meanwhile, at the harbor, Clive had sat down at the bar and bought Felix a drink. Much to Felix' dismay, however, that drink was coffee. Felix had been well on his was to getting totally drunk when Clive approached him, and he figured Felix needed some sobering up before he could have a proper conversation with him.

After a couple of cups of coffee, not to mention being hit with the fact that he had been tracked down, Felix did sober up; and the soberer he got, the angrier he became. He slammed the coffee cup to the bar and got up off of his chair, and reached for his crutch. Clive was quicker and grabbed the crutch away, and said in a commanding voice, "Sergeant, you will stay here until I dismiss you. You may be injured but you are still in the army, and must obey me, even if I am retired." With a groan of disgust, Felix got back onto the barstool and hung his head wearily.

"I know it's not easy to come home after being in battle," began Clive, "I remember how everyone expects that you can just go right back to being the person you once were, when in reality you're totally different."

Met with resentful silence, Clive continued with a small chuckle, "My poor Jessica, what she went through when I came home from the Boer War! Arthur was a toddler and Morgan was a newborn, and to tend to them while doing all she could to help me get used to civilian life again, it's a miracle she didn't have a breakdown. But the thing that I realized is that you have to help yourself get back to where you were. People mean well and try to help you and to understand, but they really can't step into your shoes—all they can do is love you."

Clive signaled to the barkeep for another two cups of coffee, and put his hand on Felix' shoulder. "So you're the only one who can keep your experiences from destroying you, and alcohol is not help you escape from them. You're going to have to face what you've experienced head on, and move beyond it."

"Well, maybe I can't!" snapped Felix. "You won't know that unless you try a lot harder than you have," retorted Clive unsympathetically, but then he softened his tone. "Felix, you have a lot to make it worth returning to Avonlea, not the least of which is my daughter."

Felix glared at Clive, "What do you mean, you never wanted me to be with Izzy. I know you never thought me good enough for her."

Clive grudgingly had to agree, up to a point, "It's true, when you first started courting Izzy, you were so capricious and never had any common sense; it was always one scheme after the other with you. But I heard about your battle experiences, and I think it takes a real man to make every effort to help a friend under those conditions, not to mention continuing to fight, after you were so seriously injured yourself." Then Clive told Felix that he knew of Felix' destruction of the German machine gun nest, and how that action saved the lives of his comrades and allowed them to win the battle.

Clive paused to sip some coffee, and turned to look Felix directly in the eye, and continued, "If the man who fought so bravely on that battlefield were to ask for my permission to have Isolde's hand in marriage, I would be proud to grant it."

To say the least, Felix was stunned at this turn of events. To think that he might just be accepted for the person he had become—it was more than he ever dared hope. He shook his head in confusion. "It's nice that you feel that way," Felix shrugged, "but how do you know that Izzy would want me?"

Clive stood up and handed Felix his crutch, "There's only one way to find out. Let's go."

Chapter 16

As Felix followed Clive to the hotel where Izzy and Alec were waiting, a feeling of trepidation filled him more and more with every step. To himself, he said, "So what if Mr. Pettibone approves of me now, he's a military man, of course he'd approve of the stuff I had to do in France—but that doesn't mean that Izzy will accept it—or me." So consumed by these thoughts was Felix that he didn't notice as Clive led him into the hotel lobby.

Still seated in the dining room, it was Alec who spotted their arrival first. At seeing Alec's eyes widen at the sight, Izzy wheeled around in her chair and gasped when she finally got a good look at Felix in the light of the lobby. Of course she was ecstatic to see him, at the culmination of her dreams of Felix' arrival back into her arms; but though the others had told her how he looked nothing could prepare her for the actuality. It almost broke her heart to see how debilitated Felix looked, how much he must have suffered.

She was busy wiping a tear from her face as she sat rooted to the chair, unsure of what to do now, as Alec gently laid his hand on hers, and told her, "You go to him, he needs you." Touched by his generosity of spirit, as she knew Alec longed to speak to his son at least as much as she did, she thanked him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Then she squared her shoulders, took a deep breath, and walked to where Felix stood.

As she approached him, Felix had not seen her; in fact he had turned to Clive and was busy asking for reassurance that Izzy would indeed want to see him. Suddenly her voice broke through his apprehension, as she said in a husky voice, "Why don't you ask me yourself, Felix King?"

In a state of disbelief, Felix turned to look into the eyes he loved so desperately. They stood for at least a minute just looking at each other, and it was like every other person in the room disappeared. Felix noticed a tear trickle down Izzy's face, and with a quivering hand he softly brushed it away. Looking in her eyes, he got all the reassurance he needed that she still wanted him; no matter what had happened to him.

He stroked her cheek, and then tilted her face up to his and they kissed, at first softly and tentatively, but then more intensely. Unfortunately, they remembered that they were in a public lobby, and they broke off the kiss reluctantly, and uncomfortably noticed everybody in the lobby looking at them. However, they couldn't have been more surprised when the entire crowd started cheering for them, as the onlookers had correctly assumed that they were witnessing the reunion of an injured soldier with the girl of his dreams.

Embarrassed by the attention, and looking for a place more private, Felix turned and saw his father standing a few feet away. Felix' face reddened and he looked ashamedly at the floor, still clutching Izzy's hand. But Izzy's presence gave him courage, and his voice cracked with emotion as he said, "Father, I can't begin to apologize enough for the unforgivable things I said to you and Mother. I can't understand why you'd even come looking for me, much less want me back."

"Son, it was only after speaking to Clive that I even came close to knowing how hard it was for you to come home. We all expected that you could just put the war behind you and you would become just like you were. It's our fault that we didn't accept the person that you are now."

Clive broke in, "I'd say that a fresh start is in order, wouldn't you agree?"

Both Felix and Alec looked at the man who brought them all back together and nodded their agreement in relief. Suddenly, something else came to Felix' mind, and he asked, "Can we get something to eat, I'm famished!"

"Just like you, Felix," teased Izzy, "always thinking of your stomach." Laughing, the foursome found a table.

Soon, the waiter delivered an order of sandwiches for Felix and Clive and apple pie for all. Alec realized that Felix and Izzy probably wanted some long awaited time alone, and motioned to Clive that they should leave them alone for awhile. A paternal feeling of protectiveness hit Clive for a second upon getting Alec's drift, but then he remembered that Felix was an honorable gentleman and brave soldier, and he stood up to leave the table as well. Before he left, however, he admonished Felix to not bring Izzy up too late. Felix agreed with a smile to Izzy and the two fathers left with their food.

"I can't begin to tell you how happy I am that you're safe," began Izzy. "It's like my whole world ended when I was told you had been killed."

"I know," replied Felix, taking her hand. "But I was so afraid to see you. I realized later that that had a lot to do with why I ran away like that." 

"I couldn't stand the idea that you might not want me back once you saw me," he finished, looking down at his bad leg. Izzy lifted his face up, looked directly into his eyes, and said reassuringly, "I hope you don't feel that way now."

"No, once I saw you, I knew I was wrong, that you loved me no matter what." Izzy continued his thought, "and will love you until the day I die."

"And I love you, with all my heart," Felix replied huskily, "I don't know what my life would be if you didn't find me."

"I almost didn't," said Izzy, "if you were just a couple of weeks later in returning I would have already left for France."

"What! What were you going to do there?"

"I was going to join the Red Cross and drive for the ambulance corps."

"But that's so dangerous--I should know. Why would you want to do that?"

Izzy replied, gasping back the tears, "Because I just couldn't face a life without you; I couldn't walk anywhere in Avonlea without seeing your face around every corner. And at least I could do some good for soldiers like you if I was there."

"Oh, Izzy, I hate to think of all the pain I caused you," said Felix sadly as he clutched her hand.

"Felix, it wasn't your fault that the army lost track of you and made a mistake. The only thing that matters now is that we're back together."

"And now that we're back together, we must never leave each other. You're not going to go to France now, are you?" Felix inquired nervously.

"Of course not, silly, now that I've just gotten you back. I don't want anything to ever come between us again."

After about a half-hour of catching up with all the rest of the stuff that had gone on in each other's lives, Felix was embarrassed that he couldn't stifle a small yawn. Though he was thrilled at the turn his life had taken that day and wanted to spend all of eternity with Izzy; it had been an exhausting past few days for him, as he regrettably noted to her.

"Maybe we should go upstairs now, I'm sure Father will want to get an early start back to the island," Izzy answered, inwardly concerned that Felix get enough sleep so that he would better be able to recover from his injuries.

"I suppose you're right, let me just wrap up the rest of my sandwich," Felix said as he got up on his crutch. In the whole time they were at the table, he didn't even think to take a bite of it. Izzy took the sandwich from his free hand and replaced it with her hand, and they went up to the rooms.

As they both knew that it would be hard to separate, even just for the night, the pair managed to restrain themselves to exchange only a brief kiss, and wished each other a good night. Izzy said in a matter of fact tone, "The earlier we go to sleep, the earlier we can wake up and be together again."

Felix held the door to the Pettibone room open for Izzy, gave her hair a gentle stroke as she passed him, and then walked next door to the room he would share with his father.

Upon entering, Felix was surprised to see the light still on and his father sitting up in a chair. He knew his father had forgiven him, but he still felt awkward at finally being alone with Alec—it would take him a long time before he would be able to forgive himself for his disrespectful behavior towards his family and especially his father. He came in the room, put the sandwich down on the table and started unbuttoning his uniform tunic.

"I didn't expect you back so soon, Felix."

"Yeah, well I didn't mean to, but I yawned right in front of Izzy, and I think she thinks I was tired. I can't imagine why," said Felix wryly as he peered at his face in the mirror, runnning a finger along the dark circle under his left eye. "Also, we're getting an early start tomorrow, aren't we?"

"Yes, if that's okay with you, son," Alec replied with a note of hesitation, which Felix picked up on.

"It's fine with me," snapped Felix abruptly as he tossed the tunic over a chair, and then took a breath and apologized. "It's strange, Father, it's like I don't even know how to talk to you anymore," Felix added ruefully. "I do want to go home—I mean that. But I wonder when it will get to the point when I truly feel at home. It helps knowing that Izzy still wants me, but there's still a lot more to work out and get used to again."

"We have to give it time…" Alec started, but Felix interrupted him and blurted out, "Father, I get mortified every time I think of how I treated you. You should have hit me, I would have deserved it. And you were right about the whiskey, too. No matter how much of it I drank, it didn't get rid of the fear and the memories. They were all still there when I woke up."

Alec replied, "I shouldn't have jumped all over you about it. It's just that I didn't want you to make the same mistake I did."

Surprised, Felix asked, "What do you mean?" Alec then confessed about the episode in which he got drunk after getting the package of returned letters, and concluded, "and when I woke up, everything was still the same—as far as I knew you were still dead." 

Felix, with a lopsided grin, replied awkwardly, "You can't be serious, you never get drunk!" but was inwardly astonished; he never really thought about how hard it had been for his loved ones to hear reports of his death, no matter how erroneous. "I guess we've all had a lot of pain lately," Felix concluded.

Alec nodded his head and went over to his son. "I'm just so grateful you're on your way back to us, Felix, and that we've gotten a second chance." and the two hugged. "I just couldn't take the thought of losing you all over again."

Chapter 17

Over breakfast the next day, the group made their plans to return to the island, when Clive interrupted.

"Felix, my friend Major Hamilton requested that I bring you by his office when we found you. So we'll have to do that before we board the ferry for home."

Felix looked at Clive quizzically, and asked, "Why do we have to do that?" He was really not particularly eager to return to the Citadel; all he could think about was returning home with Izzy. But Clive refused to give the group more details, and told them to be patient.

Alec hailed a horse drawn cab to bring the group to the Citadel, after stopping at the tavern to pick up Felix' suitcase which he had left there the night before. He had noticed that his son's leg was rather stiff that morning and decided to treat them all to a ride on this bitter cold day.

Clive led the group up to the door of Major Hamilton's office, and knocked loudly on it. The foursome heard the major call out, "Enter!" and they did so. Upon seeing Clive and recognizing Izzy and Alec, he jumped out of his seat and greeted them warmly. He finished by turning to Felix, who had snapped to attention upon entering the office, and said exuberantly, "At ease, sergeant. So this is one of our country's war heroes. It's an honor to meet you."

Upon hearing the order, Felix saluted the major, thanked him and stood at ease, waiting to hear what the major had to say to him. "Please everyone, take seats, make yourselves comfortable," invited the major.

Once everyone was seated, the major began his explanation of why he had summoned Felix to his office. He reiterated the story he told Clive, about how an injured Felix had destroyed a machine gun nest by himself, saving an untold amount of lives and enabling his company to win the battle. Alec and Izzy gasped with amazement at the tale of Felix' accomplishments over and above the call of duty, and Alec asked why he hadn't said anything about it.

Felix modestly looked down and replied sheepishly that he really didn't think it was that big of a deal. Clive interjected, "None of that, you should be very proud of yourself, young man;" a sentiment in which all others in the room concurred.

Major Hamilton ordered Felix to his feet, and took a small box from his desk. "Sergeant King, it is my privilege to grant you the Victoria Cross, this country's highest award for bravery on the field of battle." He removed a medal from the box and pinned it to Felix' uniform. "In addition, I have the honor of awarding you a battlefield commission to the grade of lieutenant. Congratulations!"

Felix stood there in amazement, and the rest of the group was filled with pride. He saluted the major and thanked him, but then asked curiously what he could do with the commission at this late date, as his injury would prevent him from returning to battle. 

Major Hamilton replied, "It should have been granted to you when you first were taken to the hospital, but as you know there was a mix up with your records. Though you can't fight anymore and are certainly entitled to a medical discharge, I would like you to consider staying in the service to help with recruitment. All I ask is that you consider it, don't give me your answer now." Nobody noticed the look of sadness that crossed Izzy's face—she didn't want Felix to go anywhere or do anything for the army, she just wanted him to come home with her.

Felix agreed to do so, and as he was eager to get home, he asked permission to be dismissed. "In a little while, but I have something for which I need you first. Would the rest of you excuse us?" Felix and the major left the office; and as long as they were waiting Alec asked for the use of a phone to call Janet.

When the call finally went through, Alec excitedly told Janet the events of the past 24 hours, and that they were bringing Felix home. Janet asked, "Are you sure he wants to come home?" to which Alec replied, "Yes, we really got to hash it all out last night. I'll talk to you about it more when we get home. I think it's going to be alright, darling."

"I love you, Alec," Janet said with tears in her eyes. "As do I," replied Alec. In the background, Clive interrupted the phone call. "I hate to break up this romance", he said jokingly, "but please tell her to let Muriel know to meet us at the docks at 2:15 this afternoon." Alec laughed and asked Janet if she heard that, which she did.

Meanwhile, Major Hamilton had brought Felix to the quartermasters hut. "I don't know if you've thought of this, but it is New Year's Eve today."

Felix had totally forgotten about it what with all that had been going on, but asked the major what that had to do with anything.

Picking up an officer's dress uniform, the major commented that he thought a new lieutenant deserved a new uniform, and that Felix might like something impressive to wear if he planned to take Izzy out for the holiday. "That's a wonderful idea," replied Felix, and the two looked for one that would fit him.

Upon pulling together the dress uniform and all its accessories including lieutenant's insignia, a corporal boxed it up and they returned to the major's office.

"What do you have there?" Izzy immediately asked, reaching for the box to peek inside of it. "It's a surprise," replied Felix mysteriously, plans for celebrating the eve filling his head.

After bidding the major farewell, the group left to catch the ferry.

Chapter 18

Felix was happy that the ferry had reached the island ahead of schedule and that Muriel was there waiting for them. "Oh Felix, it's so wonderful to see you at last," Muriel gushed as she took Felix in her arms for a hug. "It's great to be home," he answered, and they all piled into the car and started for home. The box sat protectively on Felix' lap, and he was kiddingly pushing Izzy away as she was still trying to peek in it.

On the way home, Muriel told everyone about the big New Year's Eve party, which was scheduled at the last minute at the White Sands Hotel. Simon had decided that a celebration was just what Avonlea needed, and he managed to pull it all together. "This fits right into my plans," thought Felix slyly, a smile appearing on his lips. Izzy saw the smile and asked what he was up to. "Nothing, my love," he whispered to her enigmatically.

As the car drove down the road leading to the King Farm, Felix turned to Izzy and asked if she'd do him the honor of accompanying him to the party that night. She responded gaily, "Of course I will," and then whispered in his ear, "and I can't wait." Felix gallantly kissed her hand as the car pulled up to the door. As Muriel had honked the horn several times as the motorcar chugged up the road leading to the house, the entire King family had run out to greet Felix.

The group crowded around the car excitedly, and Felix had a hard time extracting himself from the sedan. After being embraced by all there, he turned to Janet and said, "Mother, I must ask your forgiveness, I will never act that way again."

"Of course, dear," she quickly said, "I already have forgiven you. I love you no matter what."

"And I love you all, more than I can say."

Clive helped Alec take the bags and the box out of the car, and all of the Kings headed for the house, but not before Felix turned to Izzy and kissed her right on the lips, in front of everyone. "Until tonight," he smiled at her. "Until tonight," she replied, stroking his cheek.

Felix would have liked to rest for awhile and talk with his family, but he gently put them off; he had a lot to do to prepare for that evening. He asked for Cecily's help in the attic, and when they got there he told her confidentially that he needed her to help him find Grandfather King's mahogany cane. He figured to himself that it would look a lot better with his new uniform. Also, the crutch made him feel like an invalid, which was a feeling he wanted to change.

It didn't take them long to find it, but before they did he asked, "Cess, how are you doing? I wish so much that this didn't happen to Elbert. You two made such a nice couple, and I had such high hopes for you."

"I've been trying to take this day by day, but I still miss him so much. I've just been staying around the farm lately, there's not much reason to go out."

Felix' eyebrows went up, "You don't mean that you're not coming to the White Sands tonight? Maybe it's just what you need."

"No, I think it's best that I just stay home."

"No, Cess, please come tonight. It would mean so much to me to have the whole family there. There's not going to be anything to do here tonight, even Daniel is going to the party. Please, Cess, for me?" he pleaded with a sheepish grin on his face. Cecily sighed, and then decided it was the least she could do for her brother. Just as she agreed, she found the cane and handed it to Felix.

"Well, I'm glad you found it, now you can spend the rest of the afternoon getting even more beautiful for tonight." Smiling, the two left the attic, and Felix went to his room to practice using the cane.

After he had gotten somewhat proficient with it, enough so he wouldn't fall on his face using it, he took a bath and then helped Daniel into his suit. Once that was done he shooed Daniel from the room and opened up the box with the dress uniform in it.

After pulling on the uniform, which was a nearly perfect fit, he attached the medal proudly to his chest, combed his hair and decided from his reflection in the mirror that he didn't look too shabby. Picking up the cane, he went downstairs.

Upon entering the kitchen, he was met with gasps of astonishment and admiration, and exclamations of how wonderful he looked. Alec prompted him, "Tell them what happened today," as Felix had not yet had a chance to fill them in and Alec did not reveal the surprising news.

Felix explained modestly, "I received the Victoria Cross for bravery, and also received a commission to make me a lieutenant."

The family leaped up as one and surrounded him to offer their congratulations. Felix jokingly tried to pull away, reminding them that he had to be all in one piece to be able to pick up Izzy. Alec advised him that he had hitched the horse to the small cutter for him, and Felix excused himself.

"I'll see you there soon!" Felix called as he went out the door.

Chapter 19

Upon his arrival at the Pettibone home, he quickly brushed his fingers through his windblown hair to make it look presentable, and then knocked on the door. Clive answered and invited Felix in, and Muriel commented on how sophisticated the new lieutenant looked in his dress uniform. Felix took a seat and waited for Izzy.

His breath was taken away as he spotted Izzy coming down the stairs; she was resplendent in a crimson velvet gown with a touch of creamy ivory lace around the collar. Her hair was up in a braid, with wavy tendrils softly framing her face. Felix realized that he had never seen Izzy look so radiant.

Izzy, for her part, was stunned at how handsome Felix looked in the dress uniform, the dashing hero of her dreams come back to life. It seemed that even just the one afternoon back in Avonlea; the first that he truly wanted to be there since now he was confident in the love from Izzy and his family, had rejuvenated him. True, he still could use a bit of fattening up, she thought, but at least those dark circles are going away and he looked happy and more at peace.

The two looked at each other with longing, and were about to share a tender kiss when they heard Clive's voice, "Muriel and I will be getting to the party later, and Izzy, be sure to save a dance for your old father, eh?"

Izzy laughed and kissed Clive on the cheek reasssuringly as he helped her into her coat. Felix offered his free arm to her, and the couple left. As soon as the door shut behind them, Felix took Izzy in his arms and kissed her passionately. It was difficult to stop, but Felix broke off the kiss, feeling Izzy start to shiver despite his arms around her.

"I don't want you to get cold. Let me get you tucked into the fur rug and we'll get to the White Sands. I know just the place where we can have a little privacy—there's something important I need to tell you."

"What? Tell me now, I hate surprises!"

"Really, I didn't know that. You must have been so disappointed to hear that I was alive," Felix teased.

"Oh, no! That was the best surprise of my life!" Izzy exclaimed, and sat closer to him in the cutter.

Upon making their entrance at the White Sands, Felix could not take Izzy six feet into the front hallway before everyone who was there crowded around them. They didn't know which way to look first as the crowd exuberantly offered their congratulations and good wishes to Felix, in their happiness that he was home. 

The couple was overwhelmed by the heartfelt welcome, but wanted nothing more than to make their way through the crowd to some place a little more secluded. The force of the crowd pulled the couple apart as their attention was called from one person to the next. Izzy was surrounded by a group of her friends welcoming her back when she became privy to a conversation taking place next to her, between her father, Bert Potts and Constable Jeffries.

Clive said, "Yes, when we were in Halifax, Felix was asked to remain in the army, to serve out of the Citadel."

"But what can he do in the army, what with his bad leg?" queried Bert Potts.

"My friend, Major Hamilton, will use him for recruitment purposes. That way he can continue to serve his country in spite of the leg. Oh, Izzy, I didn't notice you there. Aren't you proud that Felix will be remaining in the army," Clive stated as if Felix' continued military service was a foregone conclusion.

Izzy, flustered, managed to stammer out, "No, I mean yes…yes, that will be a wonderful opportunity for Felix." She felt tears burning her eyes and quickly excused herself and fled to the atrium. Felix, who was in the middle of a large group of people yapping at him, managed to espy Izzy's flight from the hallway, and pushed as politely as possible through the group to follow her.

Felix burst through the door only to find Izzy sobbing quietly into her handkerchief. Quietly, he limped over and sat down next to her on the loveseat. "Izzy, what is the matter?" he inquired, stroking her hair with the back of his fingers.

It took awhile, but she finally managed to calm herself enough to be able to speak. "Father says you're going to stay in the army. Is that true?"

Felix looked down, not really wanting to look her in the eye, and admitted that was his plan. He quickly added, "But I didn't tell your father or anyone else about my intentions. I don't know how he knew. Maybe he just guessed that I feel there's more I can do for our country."

Izzy began crying again, and moaned, "Haven't you given enough? You almost got killed! You staying in the army means that we'll be apart; I just can't go through that again!"

"Izzy, listen to me," Felix ordered, and then softened his voice as he gently took her face in his hands to make her look at him. "The stuff about the army was only part of what I wanted to talk to you about tonight. I don't want to leave you behind either. I want you to… um, I mean I want to ask you to marry me. I was going to ask you at the stroke of midnight, but it's important that I do it now."

Izzy gasped in surprise as she heard the words she had dreamt of for so long. Felix continued, "Before I left for France, I always assumed that I had all the time in the world to ask you to be my bride. I now know that's not true, and that life is so precious. It would be more precious to share it forever with you."

"Oh Felix, it's my dream come true to become your wife," Izzy replied happily as she watched Felix remove his medal from his tunic.

"Izzy, I don't have a proper engagement ring for you. I suppose I should have been more prepared for this moment but I hope you'll understand that I didn't want to wait a second longer than I had to. Please accept this medal as a symbol of the promise of my eternal love." Izzy nodded with a beaming smile and Felix pinned the medal to her shoulder.

As he did so, he advised, "I think we should tell everyone our news tonight; I want us to get married soon so you can come to Halifax with me. I'm firm about my decision to stay in the army and I'll call the major tomorrow and let him know, but I'm sure he'll want me there as soon as possible."

Izzy shivered with delight as she concurred, and then they kissed passionately before going out to the ballroom to make their announcement. As they walked to the door, Felix put his arm around Izzy's waist and said, "You are going to be the most radiant bride on earth."

Epilogue

January 23, 1919

General Rudolph Hamilton

Royal Canadian Army

The Citadel

Halifax, Nova Scotia

This letter will serve to advise that I hereby resign my commission in the Royal Canadian Army, effective this date. It has been an honor serving under your command.

Sincerely,

Captain Felix A. King

Royal Canadian Army

As Felix reached across the desk to dip the pen in the inkwell in preparation to sign the letter which would end his service to his country, his eyes lit upon the photograph of he and Izzy, taken just over four years before. He thought to himself, as he was wont to do each time he looked at the photo, that Izzy made the most radiant bride that frosty day in January 1915 when they married. He remembered how she looked as she walked down the aisle towards him—it was odd, every time he recalled that scene he never saw her father next to her, nor the friends and family filling the pews. He only could see how Izzy looked like an angel from heaven as she seemingly floated down the aisle to join him at the altar.

His mind wandered to how much had happened to them since that day, some good, some bad, but all with his loving wife by his side. It still frightened him to think what would have become of him had he not reunited with Izzy—it certainly would have been a much sadder existence.

It had not been the easiest life for Izzy in Halifax, with Felix being so busy with his army obligations. Being the daughter of a career military man had prepared her for some of it, and she made Felix' life a lot smoother just being there for him and being his helpmate. But still, he knew it was a rather lonely existence for her.

With a smile, he lit his pipe as he thought of their children. Their oldest, Thomas Elbert, was a serious three year old who looked just like Izzy. Their next child was named Morgan Andrew for Izzy's brother and Felix' cousin who were killed at the battle of Coucelette, and he was just shy of two. There was another on the way--Felix hoped for a girl, they already decided if it was to name her Jessica after Izzy's late mother.

It would be nice to have at least one child I don't have to worry about sending to the fields of battle, he thought with a touch of bitterness, and shook his head thinking about all the friends and family lost to the war. In spite of all the time that had passed since the beginning of the war, he still could not believe the waste of all those lives, all that potential.

He dropped the pen after signing the letter and limped over to his office window. It was going to be strange leaving his office after all these years, and returning to the home of his youth. Until the war's end, he had been too busy to think about how much he missed the red earth of Avonlea, but now that little village consumed his thoughts. 

He chuckled to himself—he was going to return to eventually take over the running of King Farm from his father. After all these years, Felix could scarcely believe that he actually wanted to be a farmer—he'd had enough adventure for his young life; it was time to settle down. He knew it would be difficult running the farm with his wounded leg, but he knew that with Izzy's help he could do anything. He was fortunate that his father was still in pretty good health and the two men would run the farm together until Felix felt capable enough to step into Alec's shoes. And in a few years the boys would be old enough to help, just as he did—a lifetime ago.

Izzy's father had not been so fortunate. Morgan's death hit him very hard, and he had a severe stroke a few weeks after they received the sad news. It didn't help that Arthur had been gassed and was virtually an invalid. Thank God for Muriel, if she had not been there Izzy would have been torn up between the desire to stay with her husband and a feeling of responsibility to her father and brother.

Though he was looking forward to his return to the home of his childhood, he knew Avonlea would never be the same. The innocence which had blanketed the little hamlet was forever gone because of the war. But still, though it would be different, he knew it was the only place in which he could put his war experiences behind him and move on with his life.

Felix was idly fingering the dew on his office window when he was disturbed out of his daydreams by the voice of his assistant. "Captain King, your wife is here to see you."

"Thank you corporal, please send her in," Felix replied, and moved towards the door to greet Izzy. The words were barely out of his mouth when little Morgan came stumbling on chubby toddler legs into the room, followed by Tommy and then Izzy. Felix and Izzy embraced and his heart was warmed by the sight of his boys and the glowing look on Izzy's face. It wasn't just her pregnancy; it was the fact that they were finally returning home. It was like a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

While the boys explored in the boxes which Felix had already packed up, he and Izzy went to his desk and he motioned towards the letter. "I just signed my resignation letter to make it official, but Major Hamilton has known for a while that today is my last day in the army. It's over, Izzy, we're finally going home."

"Home, that's got to be the sweetest word in the entire dictionary, I think," she replied. "I can't tell you how I've missed Avonlea."

"As have I. The first thing I'm going to do is go to my favorite fishing hole. I know it's too cold to catch anything, but just to see it again," he finished nostalgically with a far away look in his eye.

"I spoke to Aunt Hetty today," Izzy deftly changed the subject. "She told me that she's all moved into King Farm and the family will have Rose Cottage all ready for us when we get there."

"That's good, I was afraid we'd be sleeping in the barn," Felix teased with a grin.

"That wouldn't be so bad, just as long as I'm with you," Izzy reached up to stroke the side of his face her finger inadvertantly tracing the path of his scar, "What were you thinking about just now?" She had caught a quick glimpse through the door of the sadness that had crossed his face.

"You know me so well," he began, and put his arms around her slender shoulders. "Part of me still can't fathom that it's finally over, and when I think of all those we'll never see again…" his voice broke but he quickly regained his composure and continued, "What a waste it has all been. I just pray that our sons will never have to go to war." Felix stared out the window, as if trying to see his sons' future.

"I hope that prayer comes true, for everyone's sons and brothers and fathers, but it's in God's hands. The only thing I want to do now is get my boys back to Avonlea—I want our children to grow up where there still is a little innocence left in the world. And I want to have a farmer for my husband; the captain has earned his retirement. And we all need time to heal."

"You're right, my love, as always. In fact, why are we standing around here? Let's go home and start our packing. I don't want anything to delay our return to the island. It's been delayed much too long as it is."

Izzy took Tommy's hand and walked out the door as Felix picked little Morgan up. He took a quick look around the office, blew out the light and shut the door behind him. 


End file.
